


Life After War

by taelynhawker



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect 3 - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 05:51:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16927641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taelynhawker/pseuds/taelynhawker
Summary: Shepard has always managed to survive the impossible. A series of shorts from varying prospectives about the immediate aftermath of the Reaper War. Sequel to Life in War Time.





	Life After War

1.

There's an old earth story the kids used to tell each other back on Pragia, about a chicken and falling skies. She only ever heard it second hand, no one was telling her stories back then. Hell, they still don't. So Jack doesn't remember most of the story. There are a lot of things about childhood she doesn't remember.

It's better that way.

But when she stares up at the sky... the sky... is... falling.

Fucking _Reapers_ are falling.

So Shepard must have done something right.

But now the damn things are just falling out of the sky. The ones on earth are mostly silent now, _thank fuck_ , but the ones in orbit? Those fuckers will take days, maybe weeks, to finish falling.

Another piece comes crashing down towards her and she lashes out with her power, throwing it sideways with a raw scream. She's been out here like this for hours. She's got... orders... to head back to base. But fuck them. She's never been good about taking orders. Not even from Shepard.  
Besides, she doesn't want to leave her students.

And her students aren't going anywhere.

She stops watching the sky just long enough to eye the bodies she's gathered to her.

Every single fucking one of them.

Still, it probably would have been worse if they'd been being used offensively. Right? _Right_.

Another piece of Reaper is hurtling towards her. Jack screams and lets her power loose on it. Yeah. Fuck orders. She's fine where she is. Taking out some Reapers. Hanging out with her students. She's got nowhere else to be.

Her comm unit burst to life in a spasm of static. Finally a voice emerges from the white noise. "Get your ass back here, Jackie."

"I fuckin' told you not to call me that, old man." She smiles though, and licks her lips, surprised to find them salty and wet. She wipes at her eyes.

"Come back to this shitty base and tell me off then. _Jackie_." Zaeed laughs low and dark.

"Didn't know you'd be home for dinner."

"Just got here. Come back."

She stares up into the sky again, wipes at her face one more time. "Give me ten."

"I'm givin' you five and then I'm coming after you," he responds.

"Promise?" She grins and blasts another piece of Reaper. Stupid mother fuckers. Never should have fucked with humans.

"Always, Jackie. Always."

"I need body bags," she says, after a long silence. She's never good at dealing with Zaeed's sweet talk, his version of it anyway.

"Already on their way. Let the jarheads take care of them, they aren't home anymore anyways."

She nods, even though he can't see her.

"See you in... four."

"Long as I don't come at you from the right side, huh?" She laughs, tears streaming down her face.

"How many times do I have to tell you I can see perfectly fine outta that damned eye?" he growls.

The marines are pulling up behind her. She sighs. She'll go once they've got her kids wrapped up and carried home.

2.

  
"Out of the way," Wrex growls.

The lieutenant, who sincerely looks as if he's only gained that rank by the sheer amount of casualties this war has incurred, jumps. His face loses all color and he stutters as he says,

"Sir, you can't go in there! The wreckage is still settling!"

"He said move," Liara says quietly, stepping in front of Wrex. Wrex grunts, but doesn't object. And when the lieutenant hesitates Liara frowns and leans in closer. "You do know who I am, yes?"

"I, ma'am, yes. Doctor T'soni, ma'am. Part of Commander Shepard's crew. But I… have orders. I. Just. I'll have to tell Admiral Hackett you're going in." He finished in barely more than a whisper.

Wrex laughs, "You tell him. Tell him the asari and the krogan are sending in search and rescue."

Together Liara and Wrex make their way in. It is dark and surprisingly loud, with the groaning of metal and shifting of debris. The whole of the wreckage could come down on their heads any moment now.

"I would have thought you'd be returning to Tuchanka by now," Liara says conversationally. They are the first words they've said since they decided to go after Shepard if the Alliance was so determined to sit on their backsides and do nothing.

Wrex grunts, "Starting now no krogan worth his plates will leave a brother or sister behind to serve himself."

"You sounds like a king. That is what humans called them, kings." She's read human history, of course. About kings and knights. It all makes her think of Shepard.

Wrex does laugh at that. Loud and booming. It echoes eerily down the shattered corridor before finally dying out.

It has only been eleven hours since the first part of the Citadel to reach earth had crashed outside of London. The Alliance had moved quickly, setting up checkpoints and guards, but no search and rescue even though they knew Shepard had been up there. They'd argued that they had no way of knowing if Shepard had even been in that portion of the Citadel, but Liara had intercepted communications implying that the locator on Shepard's suit had pinged as the remains came into orbit.

"We'll find her," Liara says, mostly to herself.

Wrex slaps her hard on the shoulder. "Damn right we will." She stumbles and turns to glare over her shoulder at him. He shrugs.

Surreptitiously rolling her shoulder to ease the ache, she peers into the dark corridor before them. Even if it's her body, she thinks, Shepard deserves that much peace. And remembering Major Alenko- out of his mind with grief and injuries, heavily sedated, back in London- she thinks, Kaidan deserves that much peace too.

3.

  
Kasumi picks her way carefully through the wreckage of the Citadel. Part of her mind is constantly categorizing the tech she runs across, factoring how much it could be worth. Later, she thinks, she might have to come back and... pick up a few items.

But for now her goal is the two red blots on her scanners. Liara. Wrex.

"There's a lot of heavy lifting," Wrex is saying, when Kasumi finally comes into hearing range.

Liara smiles darkly and her biotics flare. "I can take care of it." Her back straightens as she notices Kasumi in the shadows.

That one has a keen eye. She might have been useful up on the Crucible. Or in the Collector's Base. Ah, but she was busy playing Shadow Broker. Very busy indeed.

"Miss Goto," Liara greets, with a reserve most asari are not known for. But then, the good Doctor T'soni is hardly the average asari.

Kasumi bows her head.

"Thief," Wrex greets. And Kasumi grins at him.

"Wrex," she responds. Liara looks confusedly between the two of them.

"Wrex and I had a bit of a run-in, a while back. Seems like ages now. But we worked it out."  
Wrex grunts, but she can hear the amusement in the sounds.

"Killed three asari commandos for you, if I recall."

"Not for me. For my information." Kasumi steps closer, avoiding body parts strewn across the ground. This place is gruesome.

"Same thing. And it was my information."

"Touche." She tips an imaginary hat to him and he stares at her for a long moment before shaking his head and continuing with his previous task."He's right. That's a lot of heavy lifting." She whistles softly. "They've finally brought search and rescue. The Alliance, that is. And any other race willing to lend a team. Seems they were shamed by the work of one determined krogan, and a lone asari." She raises an eyebrow, more habit than anything else, they can't see her face, after all.

"Is that how you got here?" Liara asks. Kasumi can see all the questions she has teaming beneath her skin. The Shadow Broker's need to know everything about everyone.

"No. I rode in with the medics. Had a bit of scratch. All better now." She smiles. "Much better than the poor Major, but still."

Liara frowns, eyes darting toward the way Kasumi had come. "You didn't bring him here!"

She shakes her head. "I didn't bring anyone anywhere. I just hitched a ride. They didn't even know I was there. There was a lot of talk about biotic metabolisms and wasting meds. But the Major seemed perfectly calm to me." Calm, for a man who thought the woman he loved was dead. She thinks of Keiji and sighs.  
Liara looks skeptical. "He's agreed to wait outside unless someone finds something. He's on a comms channel. You can check in with him if you'd like, just don't mention how you know he's here. I like to keep a low profile."

Liara frowns.

Kasumi begins to pick her way through the debris. There are quite a few large pieces of debris, but for the most part there are also a lot of small holes to be wriggled through.

She finds Admiral Anderson first, so far into the crash that she cannot tell what part of the Citadel this used to be. It is completely unfamiliar, which is surprising, given her knowledge of the hidden places within the Citadel. Anderson is dead, with too many wounds to know what exactly the cause of death was even if she were a trained medic.

She searches out in an ever widening circle from Anderson. She sees the glint of dog tags in the dim light, and as she gets closer, the pale skin of a human hand.

"Hey," she calls back to where Wrex and Liara are carefully moving a new pile of debris. "I think I found something."

There is a loud crash of metal, a short shout, and then Liara is running to her. There's blood on her face, but Kasumi can't be sure if she's injured, or just had an unfortunate run in with the corpses. Wrex lumbers slowly up to them.

Liara reaches out a shaking hand and feels for a pulse. "By the goddess, Shepard. How are you still with us?"

Kasumi kneels next to Shepard, able to see her better now that Wrex and Liara have brought their light with them, and reaches out to feel the pulse for herself. The wrist she touches is absurdly cold, pale where it isn't covered in blood. But there, there- a pulse. Not strong, but there. She's momentarily preoccupied with the fact that most of Shepard's armor is gone. Her neck and shoulder pieces are still there, though beneath that the arm pieces and greaves are shattered or melted. No gloves, the skin of her fingers badly burnt. Kasumi can't see past Shepard's waist because a large metal support beam is pinning her.

A scan with her Omni-tool, tells her that beam might be the only thing keeping Shepard alive.

She wrestles with the desire to just lift it, grab Shepard and run. But she knows she shouldn't. That it could, would, kill Shepard. But leaving her like this feels just as wrong.

"Let me see her. I can lift that off." Wrex steps closer.

" _No! Don't!_ " Liara cries, just as Kasumi raises a hand to stop him and says, "that will kill her."

Wrex stops, face contorted in frustration. And in the krogan's normally unreadable face it is suddenly obvious just how much Shepard means to him.  
Liara, convinced that Wrex will leave the beam be, calls in to Medical.

"This is Doctor T'soni. We've found Shepard. Require immediate medical attention."

The comms groan and feedback whines in all their ears. With a quick tap of her fingers Kasumi alters her hack to cut the feedback out and listens.

Then a weary, desperate voice comes over the line, "On their way. She's alive?"

Liara winces, Kasumi watches her struggle with what words to say. "For now. Kaidan, it's pretty bad. Have the comm techs start trying to hail Miranda Lawson. We may need her expertise."

"I know where she is. I can get a message to her directly."

Liara looks surprised, but covers it.

"Do it quickly."

"Liara," he starts, and Kasumi can hear the pain in his voice.

"I will do whatever it takes to keep her alive, Kaidan. I promise you."

There's silence on the comms, and then the soft reply of, "Thank you."

Liara and Kasumi turn back to Shepard and waiting for the medics.

4\. 

He blinks. Once. Twice. But his eyes are still gritty and dry. He rubs them tiredly. It just makes them worse. They burn, begging for sleep that he can't and won't give in to. Not now. Not when she's finally back.

"You should rest, Major." The deep voice of Admiral Hackett snaps him to attention.

Without thinking he tries to stand, groaning in pain when his injuries make themselves known.

"At ease, Major," the Admiral says with an apologetic smile. "Should have said that sooner."

Kaidan doesn't quite know what to say so he gives a nod. He still sits in the wheelchair as straight as he can manage. Hackett moves closer to the bed, hands clasped behind his back.

"How is she?"

Kaidan swallows around the lump in his throat.

"As well as can be expected, sir." He takes a steadying breath. "Ex-Cerberus Operative Lawson is making her way here. It's taking longer than expected, with the damage to some of the relays and the comm buoys. But Doctor T'Soni says she should arrive any day now."

Hackett nods, staring down at Shepard. Kaidan's eyes fall back to her as well.

She is a motionless except for the machines that breath for her, her chest rising and falling in an unnaturally even rhythm, and the occasional flutter of her eyelids. The doctors encourage him to talk to her. He tries, but sometimes words won't come.

"Well, from what I've read, if anyone can fix her it will be Lawson."

Kaidan's lips quirk up, but it's nothing near a smile. "That's true, sir. She was the lead on Project Lazarus."

They say no more about that. The less said the better. Kaidan knows he has no choice in the matter, and he and Lawson had managed to reach an accord of sorts, but he hates putting Shepard in the care of Cerberus again.

He looks at her- the bruises that color most of her face, the mangled legs, the cast on her hips, the tubes and wires, the bandages on her fingers, the plastic barrier that protects her from the rest of the world and its temperature changes and bacteria and viruses- and feels the sting of tears. He closes his eyes against them.

A heavy hand on his shoulder startles him. He looks up at Admiral Hackett.

"When my wife died I was a wreck. Had to take a month of leave and even then I knew better than to ship out with a crew. Took a desk job for half a year. I hated it. But it was what I needed." He pauses, looking over at Shepard. "I've never known anyone to survive the kind of things Shepard has. If anyone is coming back from all this it'll be her. In the meantime do as you need."

Kaidan's mouth opens and closes, searching for words. It isn't as if he's been subtle, refusing to leave her room, refusing the physical therapy he knows he needs in favor of watching her. Being with her. But he hasn't really thought about that, about how it would look. About who would know.

"Sir-"

Hackett holds up a hand. He is looking at Shepard now, with something kind and sad in his face. "None of my business, Alenko, what two Council Spectres do. In fact, as far as I know, you Spectres don't have much in the way of regs. You understand?"

Kaidan gapes, and then blinks, managing at last to stammer out a, "Yes, sir."

Hackett nods, makes a smooth about-face and is about to leave the room when Kaidan speaks up again, "Sir? Sir, has there been any word of the Normandy?" He hasn't been able to get an answer out of anyone.

Hackett stops and looks over his shoulder at Kaidan, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, major, but so far we've heard nothing. A lot of ships got knocked off course when the Reapers went down. We know we're having major issues with our systems, here on the ground. Hell, we can't broadcast to some of the ships right above us. If someone hears something I'll make sure they let you know.

And with that, he leaves the room.

A sound slips past Kaidan's lips, half laugh and half sob. He places his hand against the plastic, as close to her hand as he can. He wishes he could touch her. He wishes he knew anything. If the Normandy would be alright, if Shepard would wake up.

"I'm waiting, Shepard, just like I promised. Now hold up your end of the bargain. Come back."

He lowers his head, closes his eyes, and lets the tears come.

5.

It takes eight days to get the Normandy back up and running, and even then she isn't at her best. She'll get them back to Sol System though, and that's about all anyone is asking for at the moment.

The crash wasn't really the problem, structurally the damage is minimal, and can be ignored. But whatever had blasted the Reapers, Shepard they assume, from the sky- and killed Edi, Garrus suspects- had fried all the systems.

And so for eight days they are stuck on some backwater planet with no real idea of where they are or how long it will take them to get back.  
Fixing the damned ship would be easier if they had Edi but...

Garrus lifts his head and looks at Joker, who is at the helm, checking the Normandy's star charts with actual, physical star charts of his own making.  
The pilot is scruffier than usual, his wit more acerbic. And he never shuts up. He was bad enough before but now? He's a never ending commentary on how screwed their situation is.

Just now, as he finds an error in the system- an update that's somehow missing from the reboot that is lacking an entire star system- he's muttering about food shortages and who will be eating who when the time comes.

Garrus shakes his head and returns to calibrating the autopilot systems. He's very quiet about the work. They haven't really needed the system since Edi was unshackled. But. He looks at Joker again, then quickly down.

He hears the soft, telltale click of Tali's footsteps and looks up with a smile. Her visor today is particularly transparent, she's been working on it since the crash damaged it, and he can see most of her features.

She looks hesitantly at Joker before she nods to Garrus, motioning him away from the cockpit.

Garrus joins her in the CIC and he's surprised when she throws her arms around him.

"What is it?" he asks, genuinely worried. Tali isn't one for public displays of affection,

"We made contact with someone on the comms. No, more importantly, we found the Alliance."

Tension curls at the base of his spine, sending sharp spikes of pain through his body. He ignores it, leaning closer to her. "What did they say?"

Tali's smile curves beautifully behind the fogged glass of her helmet. "They found Shepard."

He swallows hard. She wouldn't be smiling if- but he knows her, if Shepard were just fine she would have said so.

"And the bad news?" he asks.

She flinches a little. "She's not well. They seem amazed she's alive at all. Part of the Citadel crashed on earth. Shepard was on it."

Garrus lowers his head. "Heh, only Shepard, right?"

Tali cocks her head in question, her hands grasp his forearms.

"Crashing through a planet's atmosphere. Without a ship. _Again_."

Tali laughs and he hears the rough edge of tears in the sound. He pulls her to him, not much caring what anyone has to say. No one says anything anyway. No one even looks twice.

"Hey, hey," he soothes, as the tears really come. Her body shudders with sobs against his. "If anyone's going to come back from this, it's Shepard."

Tali nods. "I know. I know. I just- they've called Miranda back to earth."

Garrus arches his brow. "Just who were you talking to?"

"Admiral Hackett, at first. But then he transferred the link to Liara. The connection was terrible, we aren't the only ones battling fried systems."

Garrus sits down hard in an empty chair near a console. Tali kneels in front of him, arms hanging over his legs as she rests her head against his abdomen.

"We have to get back," Garrus says, stating the obvious.

"Well, good thing for you that systems check just came back positive." Joker interrupts. "All the systems," he adds for clarification.

Garrus' whips his head around to look at the pilot. Tali moves away. She's fidgeting and nervous. That isn't Joker's fault, not really, but Garrus finds himself wanting to throttle the pilot.

"Then get us out of here," Garrus snaps.

Joker raises an eyebrow at him and frowns. "Yeah, sure, right on that. Boss." He gives Garrus a one fingered salute that the turian is fairly sure is an insult and head back towards the cockpit.

"Any other news?"

Tali sighs and sits in the chair next to him.

"The Reapers are destroyed. But... the Geth were destroyed, too. Every single one of them."

"So anything synthetic." he doesn't finish the thought.

Tali nods.

"Damn it." So he'd been right. About Edi.

There's a thick and twisted line between being happy the Reapers are dead and mourning the loss of the Geth. Of Edi. Garrus finds himself tripping and fallingback and forth over that line.

Joker's voice blasts through the overhead speakers. "I suggest everyone get prepared for take-off. My baby is ready to dance and we are missing a party. We're off this rock in five."

Traynor, near the Star Map that flickers in and out inconsistently, looks to Garrus in alarm. He nods. Let Joker have his moment. Garrus wants off this planet just as badly.

6.

Valenti is starving. Like, seriously starving. She ate seven hours ago, but with her metabolism it feels like a week has passed instead. Even thinking about the bland shit they serve in the make shift mess doesn't kill her appetite. She'd eat a whole fucking bucket of the stuff.

A string of curses erupts just to the left of them on the wreckage strewn landing pad. Valenti looks up at the mostly bald, tattooed woman standing on a pile of rubble, screaming at one of the Alliance contractors.

Not for the first time she wonders how anyone is supposed to take this chic seriously. Sure, Valenti has a pretty foul mouth, maybe a bit of a temper, and she liked to buck regs sometimes, but this woman-

No. This woman is freakin' crazy. Rodriguez glances up at Valenti and frowns, he follows her glance to the tattooed woman.  
Who chose that moment to turn and look right at them.

"Don't get any ideas, buddy. I'm here to kick your asses, not kiss them." She calls out, one thin eyebrow raised, the eyes narrowing.

"Me? No, ma'am, I-" Rodriguez goes crimson from his neck to his ear tips. "It's not. That isn't what I was-"

"I don't care what you thinking about. Stop dicking around because this landing pad needs to be cleared. Like, yesterday." As if to demonstrate this need she reaches out, her biotics flaring to life, and lifts a piece of debris that would have taken three of their unit to lift. She flings it away as it is nothing. Which is... impressive. Hmph. "And Jack will do fine. None of this sir and ma'am bullshit. Now get back to work."

"Yes, ma'- yes, Jack."

Rodriguez likes his orders. Likes his Sirs and Ma'ams. Valenti grins at his discomfort and pulls another piece of scrap metal from the landing zone.  
It isn't until five hours later that they're relieved of duty. By then whatever bird they've been clearing this place for is set to land, so they just hang back a bit and wait to see who's so important.

Jack is standing with her arms crossed, hip jutting out, chin up so high Valenti is surprised she can still see the ground in front of her.  
The woman that steps out of the shuttle is jaw-droppingly beautiful. The kind of beautiful that's nearly confusing. It's definitely obnoxious. The suit she's wearing is practically glued to her body. But there are guns at her back and her stance implies she knows how to use them.

"Cerberus colors," Rodriguez says, suddenly a lot closer.

Valenti takes a second look. He's right. The chick is wearing Cerberus colors, and there's a few patches where the colors are faded. So she ripped off her Cerberus emblems. Ex-Cerberus, then?

The Alliance had been fielding defectors since the attack on earth.

If Jack had attitude, this woman had attitude with a glossy finish. She was pressed and polished and so neatly put together that Valenti wanted to shove her in mud and dirty her up some.

"I'd pay to see that show," Rodriguez murmurs and she realizes she'd been thinking aloud.

She elbows him in the rib, but it doesn't do much more than clank their armor together.

The Ex-Cerberus woman is heavily guarded, the guards with their weapons unholstered, but she's not bound. She nods coolly to Jack and gestures for her to lead the way. Jack's face twists into something that is way more vulgar than a sneer.

Valenti finds herself trying to master the expression.

They watch as Jack leads the woman and her guards towards the hospital. Rodriguez nudges her and motions towards the mess.  
Food.

Yes.

Her stomach growls in agreement.

7.

"I don't have the necessary equipment here. To be honest, outside of taking her to the Chronos station- if anything is left of it- the Normandy's med bay is better set up to handle Shepard's injuries." Miranda shakes her head.

She can work on the skin weave, she has all the programs on her personal omni-tool, she is the one who created them after all.  
She can adjust some calculations and work on the skeletal weave as well, although that had been more Wilson than herself. Fix those cracked hips and the broken femurs in both her legs, the shattered toes in her left foot.

The sooner the better for those, if they want her walking without mechanical aid, at least.

She shakes her head again.

"The damage to her lungs and possibly her abdomen, I'm getting abnormal readings... I have the necessary files, her old work ups from Lazarus. But this equipment won't work, it just can't do what's necessary. But I can repair the damage to her legs, her skin. That will give her structural integrity for whatever operations you may need to do. It will give you the ability to fix the lung and internal organ damage with basic surgery, provided no other complications arise. It will severely lower the risk of infection and get her out of that bubble." she says the last with extreme distaste.

The entire lab of the Lazurus project had been continually and carefully decontaminated, allowing her to get as close to Shepard as was needed.  
The doctors are staring at her. Two surgeons and a neurologist. She knows more than all three combined. Admiral Hackett and Alenko are staring down at Shepard.

" _Structural integrity_ ," Alenko finally whispers, furiously. "She's not a ship. Or a building. Is that how you see her?"

Miranda glares so hard her eyes actually pain her. "You mean, don't I realize she's just human? She isn't. Shepard is so much more than an ordinary human being. I should know, I re-built her." The last is a deliberate dig. She shouldn't- Shepard would be cross if she could hear it- but damn it if Alenko doesn't still get under her skin.

"Get her out. I thought I could do this. But no- no." Alenko's face is a mask of fury, eyes red, lips twisted in a snarl.

Hackett puts a calming hand on the Major's arm and murmurs something Miranda doesn't quite catch. Kaidan stiffens, nods with military acceptance of an order and wheels himself out of the room.

That thing, that wheelchair, is a relic of medical equipment as well, she thinks with a sniff. This is exactly why Cerberus had to be the ones to retrieve Shepard.  
Despite what Cerberus had ended up being responsible for, she's not going to be sorry for Shepard. Shepard is a shining tower of all the possibilities available if only the Alliance would loosen their ridiculous regulations and look forward.

And if they would- she takes a deep breath and stops herself. Now is not the time, of course, to be mentally berating the Alliance. Like everyone else in the galaxy at this moment the Alliance is doing the best with what they've salvaged.

"The part of the Citadel that crashed near London, where you found Shepard, was the Huerta Hospital a part of it? We could send in a salvage team." It might take time, but Miranda could work on the skin and skeletal weaves in the meantime. Huerta would have equipment, and some of it might have survived. They'd said the area Shepard was found in was nearly whole, hadn't they?

"I'm sorry, but no. Whatever area of the Citadel Shepard was in when it crashed it wasn't any part that anyone here recognizes. We've got people working on identifying it."

_Hmmm... well, there goes that idea then_.

"What about the other crash sites?" Pieces of the Citadel were still being identified. The parts that hadn't burned up in atmo, that was.

But Admiral Hackett is shaking his head. "Do what you can, Operative Lawson. We'll see that you get the best of what we can give." Hackett says.  
She notes the wording. The best of what they can _give_. Not the best of what they _have_.

The surgeons, the neurologist, Hackett, they're almost to the door when she says, "she did everything anyone asked. This is the second time she's laid down her life for this fight. I'm not one for sentimentality, Admiral, but I do think the best of the best is what she deserves. It's certainly what she needs."

He pauses, giving her an unreadable glance. "Duly noted."

"And it's ex-Operative Lawson. I'm no longer with Cerberus."

At that a smirk tilts the Admirals lips. "My apologies."

When he's gone, when it is just she and Shepard, she boots up her Omni-tool and sets to work.

8.

Tali lies, still and quiet, on the floor of the engine room. She takes in a breath, holds it, and listens.

The Normandy is injured. Not just physically- halfway rebooted systems, damaged hull, hobbling along via short FTL jumps- but... spiritually.  
Does this unit have a soul, she thinks, and Legion's voice reverberates in her mind.

Edi had been the ships soul, it's heart. A necessary part of the Normandy. She's gone now, and every creak, groan and list to the side seems to be the Normandy's mourning wails.

It is heartbreaking.

And so Tali stays right where she is, and begins to slowly recount every tale she knows about Edi, about the geth, even the Reapers. She talks about Edi's bravery in that last fight, and how completely unafraid she'd been the first time she left the Normandy.

When she's done her throat is dry, her eyes are moist, and she is acutely aware of no longer being alone.

"I'm soothing her grief. Or trying to," she says, and rolls over onto her back so that she can look over at Joker.

The Normandy feels quiet but on edge, a child just fallen asleep. She doesn't want to disturb the ship.

"I thought a quarian, out of anyone, would be the most likely to toss it off as a broken machine." He responds, staring up at the Mass Effect core.  
That hurts. She would never dismiss Edi as a broken machine.

"What happened on Rannoch, with Legion... it made me question a lot of things. I know Edi was as alive as you or I. She deserved to live, and I'm sorry she didn't. Now she deserves to be mourned."

"It feels stupid. Caring about her, now that she's dead. Like it was all... forget it." He stands, slowly and with great care. It is more than his condition paining him right now.

"Joker," she calls, softly. He pauses. "It's never stupid to love. And she loved you, too. You know that. When the hurt is less, you will remember."  
He doesn't respond, he limps away.

Tali watches him go and wishes there was more she could do.

9.

Six weeks.

It's been six weeks since they found Shepard in the crashed piece of the Citadel.

She's still in the bubble. And when Kaidan visits he presses his hand against the plastic and wills her to feel it- wills her to know that he's right there waiting for her to come back, to keep her promise.

He doesn't stay long these days, as sleeping in his wheelchair is counterproductive to the physical therapy. Once he'd started his recovery he had realized how much he wants to be up and walking again. It hadn't seemed important before, when leaving Shepard had been so impossible. But they cannot both be incapacitated. Shepard needs him now, when she can't do anything for herself. It's ridiculous, but as soon as Lawson had shown up he'd suddenly realized how weak he was, how great his disadvantage, how much time he'd wasted. He should have been making sure he was strong enough to carry Shepard through whatever she needed.

He takes another step, his leg shakes, he breathes out and takes another. He manages ten more steps before he feels the familiar give in his leg. He nods to the physical therapist and lets the girl help him back into his chair.

"You're doing very well, Major."

He nods a silent thank you, but he's paying more attention to the trembling in his left hand.

"It's just adrenaline," she reminds him.

He laughs. "Used to be adrenaline only made my aim steadier. I'd miss point blank right now."

She smiles understandingly. "Good thing we're not at war anymore."

He looks up at her sharply. She's so young and she says it as if it's a simple thing, the difference between at war and not at war. There's a new band of gold on her finger, and she touches it every now and then. _We're not at war anymore_ , he thinks.

People are still dying- from injuries, from illness and infection due to toxins from destroyed building and ships, there are still-births, and pre-existing conditions that they are no longer equipped to treat. Most days it doesn't feel as if the war is over.

And Shepard...

The girl doesn't say anything else and that's probably for the best. There is a delicate silence while she helps him change out of his seat soaked shirt and leads him to the bath of water so he can wipe down.

When he's cleaned and dressed, she says cautiously, "You have your second psych evaluation now, Major."  
He grunts. She smiles.

"Want me to take you up?" she offers.

"No, no, I've got it."

She looks like she might want to argue, but he straightens in his chair and settles into the body of the Major instead of the man and she relents.  
Psych is temporarily- so they say, but who knows how long before they finish rebuilding anything- upstairs, which doubles as the maternity ward. There are a surprising- or maybe not so surprising, considering- number of pregnancies. Many are only three or four months along and most seem to walk with a protective arm permanently over their barely rounded stomachs.

He thinks of Shepard talking about having his children, adopting a baby krogan, every time he comes up here. He wonders how many of these women will be raising those children alone.

He's nearly to the door when he spots Lawson talking to the head of the maternity ward. He stops, ignoring the curses of those moving around him and frowns.  
_Surely Miranda isn't pregnant? No. No._ She has a file in her hand, so it must be a patient issue.

Shepard is Lawson's only patient, at least that he knows of. He frowns and watches as she hands the file to the other doctor and leans in close to point to something.

Kaidan is just about to start moving again when his psychiatrist opens the door to his left.

"Oh," she exclaims. She is small and dark and constantly looks surprised. "I was just coming to check on you. Come on in, I promise I will try to make this painless."

He's sure he responds, he's just not sure it's in any language that's ever existed. His eyes are still locked on Lawson who's clearly concerned about something, and now grilling the other doctor.

"Major Alenko?"

"Hmm? Yes, sorry. Right." He wheels himself into the room and tries to remember how late Lawson usually stays with Shepard.

He has questions and Lawson is going to answer them.

10.

Space. Endless, hopeless, horizon-less space.

Traynor tries to pull her eyes away but can't. It's a physical pull. Her stomach churns, her throat feels tight. She blinks away sudden tears.  
A hand grasps her by the shoulder and forces her around, away from the window.

"Trust me, staring out the window won't help," James tells her, nodding his head towards the door.

She follows obediently, not even sure where he's leading, but glad for something to pay attention to other than the abyss outside the ship.  
"Trust me, most field tested soldiers don't deal well with this kind of situation. But Tali says we're not far from an operational Mass Relay and with luck we'll be able to chart a course back to earth. Of course, could take us to Palaven for all we know. Hmm, forget that part. I'm supposed to be making you feel better."

She smiles despite herself. They're in the mess, where he grabs two coffees and motions to the table.

"You're not doing so bad," she tells him, sipping the coffee. It's black and bitter, very strong, which is the only way she likes it.  
He shrugs and downs half his cup. "It's a talent."

"This was my first time on a mission in space. I was helping with the systems, the retrofit, and then... the Reapers... and I was stuck. And now... how... there's so much space."

He grins. "Think of it this way, chispa, that space was always out there. We've always been floating around in all that, we just used to go too fast to notice."

She thinks about it. It doesn't help, not really, but she does grin back. "That's horrible."

He rubs the back of his neck and chuckles ruefully. "I know it. Truth is it's a tough situation we're in but Vakarian and Joker have it handled. We'll make it home. Just stay away from the windows. Seriously."

She sips at her coffee again, rolls her shoulders to loosen the muscles. "Thanks for trying. I'll stay away from the windows. I think that's for the best."

James finishes the last of his coffee and tosses the cup in the bin. "I'd offer you sex for the tension but..."

She laughs, nearly startling herself with the sound. "But I'm a lesbian?"

"Regs. Plus, I'm saving myself for Cortez." He winks.

She laughs again. She's quite sure he's joking. He is, isn't he? She looks him over. His face betrays nothing. "You aren't... are you...? You always flirted with Shepard."

He shrugs, smiling wide at her. "You may never know."

Traynor watches him leave, trying to go back over all his interactions with both Shepard and Cortez.

"No. No way." She looks in the direction James had gone. "No? Damn it."

Well, contemplating James' sexual proclivities is a lot more interesting than contemplating her place in the great, wide universe.

11.

This was Beth's plan.

Finish school, her residency, become a surgeon, marry Jason, have one child, retire young, live the rest of her life with her beautiful husband and whatever grandchildren she was blessed with.

This is what actually happens.

Mid-way through her residency the Reapers invade, Jason is MIA- assumed dead- in the Alliance Head Quarters in London, she is the only one of her colleagues to make it out of the hospital alive, she manages to run into an Alliance squad, she is thrust into the position of field medic.

She is twenty-seven years old. She feels fifty.

But. She is very good at what she does. She has saved several dozen lives. Her loss ratio is exceptionally low. She does not, has never, flinched.  
Until they bring Commander Shepard into her OR.

If it were a planned surgery, she might have been prepared, would have been prepared. But it isn't planned by a long shot. Shepard's planned surgery, the first of many was two days ago. But something is clearly wrong, perhaps they nicked another organ while performing the surgery? She'll have to get in to see.

She feels nauseous like she hasn't since that first day the Reapers attacked.

It says something about Beth's life that she actually relaxes when an armed escort brings in Miranda Lawson- whose history with Commander Shepard she'd been filled in on in her pre-surgery briefing just ten minute ago. The guards stay out in the decontamination room. Beth almost wishes they had stayed.  
Lawson might be listed as Shepard's primary physician, but the woman is ex-Cerberus, a wanted terrorist, and not actually a doctor. She's also a haughty bitch.

Still, she does know her stuff.

"Go on, then. You're losing valuable time. Of course, if you all hadn't screwed up in the first place..." She trails off, motioning with delicate fingers to the tray of instruments.

Beth scowls, but the noise and distraction will only help her concentrate.

They never should have operated on Shepard in the first place, not in her condition. Beth places a thin, transparent monitor to the side of Shepard's slightly swelling stomach.

When she flicks it on a clear image of Shepard's internals pops up. It will help in finding the issue and avoiding damage to the fetus.  
There have been rumors amongst the hospital staff, of course. Shepard was seen by very few, but Major Alenko and Lawson had had a very public blowout before Admiral Hackett had broken it up and taken it behind closed doors.

There is a sharp inhale of breath and Beth chances a glance at Miranda Lawson.

Her unfairly pretty face is twisted in a grimace of jealousy and wonder.

"We haven't run scans. It's like a fae creature from the stories. We were all worried if we looked directly at it would go away. Foolish, of course, we should be monitoring it constantly. But Alenko..." Lawson snorts out a half laugh. "It's a damn miracle. Or a freak of nature." Lawson, Beth thinks, is not even really speaking to her. Or anyone else.

Well, that's two rumors confirmed. Shepard is pregnant and Major Alenko is apparently the father. Beth eyes the nurses and her resident, hoping they are as good as the non-disclosure agreements they signed. The media would pay a sickening sum for these facts.

"It looks pretty human to me," she tells Lawson. Who calls a baby a _freak of nature_? Given what Shepard's condition was when they brought her in miracle isn't a strong enough word for it.

Shaking her head Beth takes a deep breath and concentrates. The image on the monitor has given the answers she needs. She has a kidney to repair.

12.

"We've had contact from the Normandy again, sir."

The change in Hackett's demeanor is subtle, but noticeable. His back straightens, his eyes focus. Lieutenant Anders hands over the report.  
It's big news. More importantly, it's good news.

The Normandy is the face of the Reaper defeat. Everyone with access to a broadcast system had heard or seen Diana Allers' reports. Not seeing the ship come back from the rendezvous point was a blow to the spirits of everyone rebuilding.

There had been one call nearly four months ago that let them know the Normandy was still out there, but the Alliance had kept it under wraps. No need to get hopes up, anything could happen to a half crippled ship in space with half the Relays offline, and no one knew how long it would take for them to return. It had been a good call because since that call there had been nothing but silence.

"Why wasn't I brought in?" Hackett demands.

"Something's gone wrong with their comms, sir. It was a coded message on loop. They're in the Sol system but they're limping in, it will be a few days before they make it."

Hackett sighed. "Scramble an escort. Let them come in on their own, but make sure they're covered in case something goes wrong. Keep it quiet."

"Yes, sir."

"A few days out? That's- that's good. That is very good. Call Major Alenko to my office. He'll want to hear."

Anders pauses. "Commander Shepard was in surgery for six hours, sir. She's just come out. I believe Major Alenko is with her currently."

Shepard's condition and Major Alenko's connection to it is one of the Alliance's second best kept secret these days, after the survival of the Normandy.  
There are rumors of course, but there are always rumors.

Just as there are always members of the press waiting near the hospital, and sometimes Alliance HQ as well.

"Tell him to come, Lieutenant. He'll want to know," Hackett says, finally, after a long consideration.

Anders nods and leaves the room.

13.

Zaeed snores.

Zaeed snores like he does everything- loudly.

Jack has had conquests, men and women she fucked purely to hold that power over them, but she's rarely stayed with one person for very long. Snoring, who sleeps on what side, and pet names hadn't really been an issue. Who woke up and tried to kill who first was the more likely problem.

Zaeed is old enough to be her father, if she'd ever had a father, scarred and branded. He's rough not just around the edges but most of the way to the core. He's not really that different from Jack. Except for the snoring. Jack does not fucking snore.

She elbows him for the fifth time and he snorts a curse, throws an arm over her and subsides into silence for a least a few moments.  
If she could fall asleep now, like she normally does, it would be fine. Even in the middle of the day she can usually nap after a good round of sex. And the sun is still up, and the sex was fucking great.

Stamina. The old man has a lot of stamina. And know-how. And if her brain isn't going to let her rest and he's going to keep snoring she might just wake him up for another go.

She stares at the comms unit on the table. Goto had gotten a hold of them earlier to let them know the Normandy made contact, that it will be here soon. No one is supposed to know but then, most people don't realize when Goto is around. It's good to know the Normandy and her crew are alive. Not that Jack has been mourning or anything. That stubborn bunch of jackasses had a knack for surviving when no one else would have.

But that isn't the news that had her head spinning, that sent her stumbling to Zaeed, dragging him to bed without explaining why.

Goto had overheard Lawson with Hackett, talking about how unlikely it was that Shepard would wake up. That Lawson didn't have the equipment she needed to run the tests that Shepard required, or to fix what was going wrong.

Shepard is _dying_. If she doesn't wake up soon, like days soon, not weeks- if she doesn't wake up-

Jack's chest feels tight, it hurts to breath. What the fuck is wrong with her? Fuck.

Sure, Shepard had shown her a good turn, made it possible for Jack to have her students, to find Zaeed, had helped her blow up Pragia- that doesn't mean Shepard is...

Jack _doesn't give a shit_. That's just who she was.

Except there is Zaeed. And her students. Goto, even, and some of the others that had been on the Normandy. And yeah- _Shepard_. Shepard, who is like a mom and a sister all in one. Something Jack has never had.

Zaeed wakes with a start, hand reaching for his gun before he realizes there's no danger. His arms come around her and pull her close.  
Jack wipes furiously at her eyes and when the wetness won't stop she rubs her face against Zaeed's white shirt, smearing it with tears and makeup.

He doesn't mind.

He never minds.

14.

Kaidan rests his head beside hers on the pillow, so close her face is blurry and it's difficult to keep his eyes open. With two shaking fingers he traces lightly over her features. He pushes her dark hair, longer than he has ever seen it, back from her face.

"We found the Normandy. They'll be home soon, any day now. They're in the Sol system and Hackett sent an escort." He pauses, licks his lips, and takes a deep breath. "You know, you had your last surgery last night and that's-" he laughs wetly, tears burning his eyes. "That's really good."

He closes his eyes tightly and presses his face into her hair. 

"Shepard. Noah. Please, wake up. I don't know what to do. I don't know what you would want."

He lifts his head, eyes traveling down her healing body to the swell of her stomach.

A baby.

Their baby.

They'd never gotten around to having a serious conversation about it. She'd talked about it while inebriated, but she'd also talked about adopting a baby krogan so...

Had that really been just four and a half months ago?

"I don't know if you want this. I don't want you to wake up and... I'm so sorry. I... I don't know. I know we could try again, later. Get the timing right. But... with everything you went through, for this baby to even still be alive, thriving, it seems..."

He stops, words momentarily failing him. She is perfect and still except for the slow rise and fall of her chest. No more bruises or lacerations. Sleeping Beauty. He hates it. He wants her to move, to wake up, to be angry… anything.

"Miranda isn't sure you'll wake up. Your progress is promising, that's all she says. They've done everything they can, it's up to you now.  You have to wake up, Shepard, please. Wake up."

With a sigh he sits up. God, his leg still hurts.

He should go, leave the hospital for a while. Hackett had been a hairsbreadth from making it an order. Kaidan's not really sure why he didn't. The Alliance has an apartment set up for him only a couple of blocks from here, but he doesn't spend much time there. It's too empty, too lonely. It seems surreal, anyway, to be in an apartment after all that time spent on the Normandy, after the Reapers, after the war. He can't stand it, honestly.

Instead he wanders the grounds of the hospital. The repairs and rebuilding are only just starting. While the sight of so much destruction is unsettling it makes his chest ache with pride to see so many different races working together. While many of the ships that gathered to earth are helping with mass relays, or limping their ways home via FTL jumps, there are still plenty that stuck around and landed on earth to offer what help they could.  
He tries to picture what it's going to look like, an earth rebuilt not by one race, not just humans, but by many.

Shepard would love this. It was everything she'd been working for, bleeding for- the cooperation of all the races.

Once his leg starts aching Kaidan finds a place to sit in the courtyard. Or what was once the courtyard. The fountain remains untouched but the ground is littered with debris.

Kaidan's not sure how long he sits there before a sudden commotion draws his attention. Shepard's nurse trips over the rubble of the courtyard and nearly lands in his lap.

"Major Alenko! Major, she's awake!"

15.

"Take a look out your port side windows, folks, that blue and green speck out there is earth! Pack your bags, I'm kicking you all off my baby! ETA is seven hours." Joker turns to smile at Edi.

An empty seat greets him. The grin slides off his face and loss hits him solidly in the stomach. His eyes burn and his throat constricts, but he doesn't cry. He won't fucking cry.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

He isn't going to _fucking cry_.

Earth is a beacon on the port side. Home. He feels a longing in his chest he never would have expected to feel. But it's muted by the knowledge that Edi is gone.

That he won't be able to show her Alliance HQ, or the fucking ocean, or-

_Shit_.

He rubs his hands over his face roughly, takes a deep breath, and pushes it all away.

"Any word on Shepard?" Garrus scares the shit out of him, leaning over to look out Joker's window at the planet they're headed towards.

"They're being tight lipped. Won't put Alenko on the comms either."

Garrus hums in annoyance, a low sound that actually reminds Joker of a cat. "Well, we'll be there soon enough and we can find out for ourselves."  
Joker nods. Garrus doesn't say much else, just keeps him quiet company, telling the occasional bad joke.

It's exactly what Joker needs.

16.

Kaidan moves as fast as he can, limping heavily but refusing the help of the nurse.

Turning the corner into the hallway of Shepard's room he hears her voice immediately. She's screaming. She's screaming his name. Christ, he's never heard her like that. Kaidan tries to run, but his leg nearly buckles. He catches himself on the wall and manages to keep moving.

"Shepard!" he shouts.

There's silence, the cacophony of noise from Shepard's room stops.

"Shepard!" he calls out again.

He throws himself at her door, grabbing the archway for support.

Shepard is standing, her legs shaking under her. Good god, only Shepard would be standing right now. Her eyes are wide, darting around the room, her lips curled back in a snarl. She looks wild. She looks beautiful. She's ripped her IVs out. One hand is splayed possessively and protectively over her stomach, and the look on her face promises violence to the two guards and the nurse who have her cornered.

Are they insane? Coming at her like that? Something vicious- possessive and violent and protective- claws at his gut.  
Her eyes finally fall on him.

" _Kaidan_."

His name has never sounded so much like a prayer, so desperate. He stumbles to her, barely makes it without falling himself, his leg a long line of pain. He pulls her against him.

"You're here. You're here," she whispers, over and over until the words blur together in his ears.

Kaidan kisses her; the side of her face, her neck, her bare shoulder where the hospital gown has slipped, back up to her jaw.

"I'm here, it's okay. I'm right here," he tells her.

She's shaking so hard it shakes him. Her legs finally give out and he only barely manages to keep them both from falling.

"It hurts, everything hurts."

Kaidan helps her onto the bed, pulling her legs back up gently sitting beside her.

"You've been out for a while," he explains carefully.

"I was on the Citadel!" she cries, sounding nothing like herself. "There were- they had collected- and the bodies- and Anderson is dead- I killed the geth. Oh god. Oh god, _I didn't know what else to do_. Kaidan. _Kaidan_." Thin fingers claw at his shirt, pulling him closer.

"Hey, hey. You have to breath. C'mon. Breath." He pulls her as close as he can and she calms.

"I don't- I don't know what's going on."

"I know you don't. We'll debrief, alright? I've been here the whole time. I will tell you whatever you need to know."

Her eyes are still wild, locked on his face as if memorizing it. "It's _ours_ , right?" she asks, voice so incredibly small and frightened.

He's confused until he see her hand curled around her stomach. "Yes, Shepard. Of course, yes." He rests his hand over hers. She's lost so much weight, they're smaller than ever. His hand engulfs hers.

"It isn't... the Reapers and the Illusive Man... _they didn't_...?"

Understanding hits him like a punch to the gut. What happened up there that this is her fear? And then he thinks, if he hadn't seen the sonograms himself, would he have had the same fear? "No. Shepard, no. _No_. It's ours. I promise."

"Oh, thank god," she sobs violently, hiding her face against him as her body shakes.

Kaidan nods to the guards and the nurse. "Get Miranda Lawson. Go. I've got her."

"Sir," one guard begins.

"That's an order."

"Yes, sir."

Shepard's sobs continue for a long time. He rubs her back, kisses the top of her head.

She's awake, he thinks, over and over. She came back. She's awake. Tears spill over his cheeks, wetting his neck, but he can't stop smiling. It's going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay now.

17.

Earth certainly isn't Garrus' home planet but as he steps off the Normandy it's damn hard _not_ to feel like he's finally made it home.

They're greeted by a hell of a lot of reporters, medical units, and army personnel. There's a crowd of civilians cheering. The commotion is more than a little overwhelming. Tali presses herself against his side and he wraps an arm around her.

" _Keelah_ , that's a lot of people."

He chuckles. She elbows him in the midsection.

The army personnel keep the reporters and civilians at bay while the medical teams rush over to determine if anyone needs their attention.  
There's a shout from the crowd, the sounds of a brief argument before Vega shouts, "Esteban!" at the top of his lungs.

Garrus laughs so loud he startles the medic currently examining him.

Cortez manages to escape the crowd and lopes his way towards Vega. He's acquired a limp and a scar across the right side of his face, but he looks good. He's swooped up into Vega's arms, both of them laughing and pounding each other's backs even as they hold tight, faces pressed into each other's neck and shoulder.

"No Shepard," Tali whispers to him.

The medic looks up. "Commander Shepard is still hospitalized. That's all we're authorized to tell you until you meet with Admiral Hackett to debrief." She smiles apologetically.

Garrus shoots a worried look at Tali, but Tali's attention is elsewhere.

"Liara!" She announces, and leaves a flummoxed medic behind to go greet the asari at the edge of the crowd.

Garrus feels Shepard's absence keenly. Alenko's, too.

Limping their way through the Sol system it had been hard to think of anything else. The ships assigned to escort them had been more than happy to give them the latest news about the rebuilding efforts, the movement of the joint race fleet, anything but news on Shepard.

Is it a good or a bad sign that Kaidan hasn't shown up?

Garrus makes an irritated noise deep in his throat and gets a nervous glance from the doctor scanning him.

The medics are starting to move them away from the Normandy, towards the nearby building that still looks half demolished but is clearly in use.  
Tali sidles back up to Garrus, wrapping an arm around him. Liara has melted back into the crowd and disappeared.

"Liara says Shepard just woke up yesterday. They haven't let anyone but Kaidan, Miranda, and Hackett in to see her, though apparently Kasumi has been doing some scouting of her own."

Garrus didn't even know Lawson and Kasumi were on earth. He's relieved to know they are and that they're okay.  
Whatever else Tali has to say is cut off as they enter the building. There's a quiet sort of bustling going on. Doctors, emergency medics, armed guards all parade up and down the hallways that are undamaged. There's scaffolding across the lobby where they've begun repairs.

"This used to be Saint Bart's hospital," Traynor says quietly, looking alarmingly pale.

Vega puts an arm around her and she leans on him.

"And this was the facility with the least amount of damage," Admiral Hackett says in greeting.

Traynor, Vega, Joker and the rest of the human crew snap to attention.

"At ease." He takes a long pause. "I can't say how good it is to see the Normandy and her crew again."

"It's good to see earth again, Sir," Vega responds.

"There will be time for something more formal later but let me just say now, on behalf of the Alliance- thank you. Your dedication, bravery, and sheer force of will are a major reason earth is still here. We won't soon forget what you've all done."

He saluted them.

"Now, I'm sure you have questions. I might have some answers. If you will all follow me up a few floors, I can start giving them to you."  
Without hesitation they fall in line behind him.

18.

Surreal is... not a strong enough word.

Unbelievable, fantastical, ridiculous, impossible. Maybe if she found a way to shove all those words together?

"Unfantasticulousible," she murmurs.

Kaidan lifts his head from where it's resting on her thigh. "Hmmm?"

"Coming up with a word for all this." She motions at the room at large, her stomach, knowing he'll understand.

"Good word or bad word?" he asks, worry in the lines around his eyes.

"Synonym for surreal," she answers.

He nods, rests his head on her thigh again. She reaches down and cards her fingers through his thick hair. He needs a haircut. So does she.

The two of them are shoved together on a hospital bed clearly not meant for more than one person. She's sitting up with a data pad, catching herself up on the last four months. Kaidan is further down on the bed, head on her thigh, good leg dangling off the side. She can still see him over her stomach, but it's a near thing.

"Sure you're up for seeing everyone? You should be resting," he murmurs.

"Spent the last four months-" she starts.

"In a coma. Not the same thing as rest." He lifts his head to glare at her and she puts her hand over his face.

He grabs her wrist and kisses her palm, lowering her hand. "Shepard," he says softly. His eyes dart to her stomach. And he's worrying again, which is just so annoyingly him that she smiles.

She puts their joined hands over her stomach. "You made the right choice, Kaidan."

He closes his eyes and breathes out unevenly.

"I was barely more than a corpse. That I survived, that this baby survived... I... you did the right thing."  
He opens his eyes; they're bright with tears he doesn't shed. He leans forward and kisses her.

"Your crew should be here any minute, Commander," he says against the curve of her smile, kissing her again.

"If Joker passes out at least try to catch him." She tries to ignore the sharp stab of guilt at the thought of Joker.

"Hey," Kaidan starts, but goes quiet when she looks at him.

She can't take another speech absolving her of responsibility. She is responsible. It was her call. She'll have to learn to live with it, like she's lived with so many difficult calls since that mission on Eden Prime.

Kaidan moves up the bed, puts his arm around her, and takes the data pad from her hand. She doesn't even argue, she can't remember what she was reading anyway.

"You've spent the last three years making the hard call while everyone else sat back and either followed your lead or ignored your warnings. You negotiated alliances between races that would kill each other at a glance. No one, Noah, no one can hold the choices you've made against you. Certainly not the ones you made when you were up there alone, thinking you were going to die, with the fate of every single organic life in the universe in your hands."

"But the geth-"

"Shepard, those other options, we saw those before. Saren. The Illusive Man. Destroying the reapers was the only choice you could make." He kisses her temple. "It's going to be okay, Shepard."

She nods, presses her face against his neck and breathes, curling her hands around her stomach.

She's about to move, to start to put herself together for when her crew arrives, when she feels it. The fluttering wave of motion underneath the taut skin of her stomach.

"Kaidan."

He presses his hand just below hers. "He's kicking," Kaidan whispers.

"He's kicking."

This is how the crew of the Normandy finds them, curled together in their hospital bed, laughing and crying, hands on Shepard's stomach.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Someone asked in a review why Kaidan is on earth and not on the Normandy. Well, this story is a sort of sequel to my story Life in War Time. I wrote that before the extended DLC and in my play through my Shep didn't bring Kaidan to the beam because she was pretty sure she was going to die up there. So my head canon became that Kaidan was with Biotics Division and still on earth.


End file.
